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Mr. Krystal
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...The Mysterious Mr. Krystal...
Born in the 13th century... Mr. Krystal was abandoned by his parents in the dark woods because of his strange affliction.
He was taken in and raised by a family of giant Wood Rats...and being intelligent creatures by nature they educated him as best they knew how...free of the oppression of society, Krystal spent all his spare time in his study of the black arts so that he might destroy all the men in the world...and then the Wood Rats could claim their place as the rightful rulers of the earth.
In his terrible learnings he found how to make an elixier that would preserve his body forever...and it worked!!
Unfortunately it didn't work on the Wood Rats and they all died out...and once more Mr. Krystal found himself alone...
oh how he longed for the company of his verminous friends and a terrible sadness fell upon him...he wished he could die...but the elixier would not let this happen... in his melancholy he forgot to make the other potion for preserving his mind and over the centuries his mind began to regress...
...we found him looking for scraps and took him in...he'd forgotten he'd eaten his puppy the day before.
Mr. Krystal is proud of his abilities...yesterday he remembered how to smile and clap all at once.
Mr. Krystal brushes his teeth twice a night...he likes to take good care of his collection.
Mr. Krystal once won a 'Hot Dog' eating contest but was violently ill when told there were no real dogs involved.
Mr. Krystal once burped so loudly that his eyebrows fell off.
Mr. Krystal once pee'd so far outside, he actually wet his own back.
10x10 is Mr. Krystals favourite sum.
'If eating spiders was illegal' says Mr. Krystal, 'then everyone would want to do it'.
Over 95% of Mr. Krystals left wrist is completely real.
If Mr. Krystal were an iced cream flavour he'd be 'Whiskers Cat Meat'.
Mr. Krystal likes nothing more than a right old banging!!!...he's an absolute dab hand with a hammer to the back of the head.
12x12 is Mr. Krystals least favourite sum.
Mr. Krystal is famed throughout Berlin for his impression of Ben Elton.
'If black were a colour...' Mr. Krystal remarked one day...'I'd wear it!'
Mr. Krystal likes to dig graves in his spare time...He digs the peacefulness of them and all the different head stones are really groovey too.
Mr. Krystal once ate a dwarf by mistake.
He's great isn't he?...Mr. Krystal!!!!
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If you go to sleep tonight,
you might not wake up
Favourite Band 1
Favourite Band 2
Favourite Band 3
Favourite Drummer 1
Favourite Drummer 2
Favourite Drummer 3
Favourite Drink (except puss milk)
Favourite Cancer producing product
Favourite Drums
Favourite Pedals
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